


The Yellow Crayon

by ignipes



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-02
Updated: 2007-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignipes/pseuds/ignipes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They keep telling him Mommy is in heaven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Yellow Crayon

Mrs. Guenther lets him eat as many cookies as he wants. Dean knows she's not supposed to, but Daddy isn't here and she doesn't say anything about spoiling his dinner. Ever time she looks at him she gets a funny look on her face, like she's eating pickles and lemons at the same time.

"You do understand, don't you, honey?" Mrs. Guenther says, brushing some crumbs off the counter and shaking them into the sink.

Dean reaches across the table for another cookie. He feels a little sick, like that time they went to the State Fair and Daddy let him eat all the cotton candy while Mommy wasn't looking.

"Has your daddy talked to you?"

Thinking about Mommy just makes his tummy hurt more, but it's bad manners to put a cookie back on the plate after he's already touched it. Dean wishes Mrs. Guenther would stop talking, so he nods and stares down at the table. He wonders if Sammy is old enough yet to like cookies, but Sammy is asleep in the other room.

"Your mommy's gone to heaven," Mrs. Guenther says. "You know about heaven, don't you?"

Miss Rosa at Sunday School told him about heaven. She told them it was a nice place where everybody was happy, and she gave them construction paper and crayons and told them to draw what they thought heaven looked like. Dean thought it might look a little bit like the park Mommy where took him to play, but when he was drawing the swings with the black crayon Jenny Hatter told him his picture was all wrong, because heaven has clouds and angels with halos and harps made of gold.

But he finished the picture anyway and gave it to Mommy after Sunday School. Mommy said it was the best picture of heaven she'd ever seen, and she stuck it up with some tape in Sammy's nursery.

"I know it must be scary for you," Mrs. Guenther says, "but your daddy will come around eventually. He just misses her. He misses her an awful lot."

Dean misses her too, but he only nods again and slips the cookie into his pocket to save for later. All of his pictures in Sammy's nursery are gone now. The fire burned them all up in their house.

~

That night after Daddy tucks him in and he's supposed to be asleep, Dean turns on the light. Sammy is sound asleep in his crib by the window. The paper and crayons Mrs. Guenther gave him are by the bed. There's no white paper, just blue and pink, but he thinks blue might be better anyway, because Jenny Hatter said heaven is supposed to be in the sky. He draws lots of clouds, then he draws Mommy, using the yellow crayon to make her hair the same color as the sun.

When he's done, Dean looks at his drawing. He doesn't know what a harp looks like, and he wonders if Mommy is happy in heaven without him and Sammy and Daddy. Miss Rosa says that everybody's happy in heaven.

The achy feeling in his tummy is coming back, so Dean climbs out of bed and pads over to the door, taking his picture with him. He doesn't like Mr. and Mrs. Guenther's house at night. There are strange noises everywhere and Mr. Guenther turns off all the lights at night even though Dean heard Daddy ask him not to.

There's a light on tonight, coming from Daddy's room. Dean pushes the door the rest of the way open. Daddy is sitting on the bed reading some papers; he looks up when Dean comes in.

"Hey," Daddy says, setting the papers aside. His voice is quiet and scratchy. "Can't sleep?"

Dean nods.

Daddy holds out his hand. "Come on over here."

Dean goes over and gives the picture to him. Daddy takes it and looks at it for a long time, so long that Dean starts to think he might be mad, like the time Dean drew a puppy on Sammy's nursery wall with fingerpaints.

Finally, Daddy whispers, "Thanks, Dean. This is -- this is really great." Daddy slides off the bed and kneels on the floor, holds out his arms and gathers Dean into a tight hug. Then he pulls back, his big hands on Dean's shoulders, and says, "Do you want me to tell you a story to help you sleep?"

Dean shakes his head. Daddy's stories aren't fun stories anymore, not since Mommy went to heaven.

"Do you want to draw more pictures?"

Dean shakes his head again.

"Okay." Daddy brushes his hand over Dean's hair, then scoops him up and stands. "Back to bed with you, then. It's way past your bedtime."

He carries Dean into the other room and tucks him in. Daddy sits on the edge of the bed and hands Dean his teddy bear, but he doesn't say anything for a long time.

"Mommy's..." Daddy's voice is so quiet Dean almost can't hear him. "Mommy's gone, Dean. She's gone to heaven and... and she's not coming back. Do you understand that?"

Dean nods.

"I know you miss her," Daddy says. "I miss her too. But she's... she's in a better place now. She's in a good place, up in heaven with the angels. And she -- I know she misses you just as much as you miss her, you and little Sammy both. She didn't--" Daddy stops and clears his throat. "Well. It's time for both of us to get some sleep, kiddo. We can't let Sammy be the only one who sleeps around here, can we?"

Daddy leans down to kiss the top of Dean's head, and he starts to stand up. Dean reaches out quickly to grab his sleeve.

"What is it, Dean? You want me to stay?"

Dean holds out his teddy bear for Daddy, but Daddy doesn't take it.

"That's okay," Daddy says. "I think Mister Bear likes to sleep in your bed more than mine."

Dean shakes Mister Bear and waits.

Smiling a little bit, Daddy takes Mister Bear and holds him up. "Well, Mister Bear," Daddy says. Mister Bear looks small in Daddy's big hand. "I guess you're coming with me." He leans down to kiss Dean again. "Good night, Dean."

Daddy steps over to the crib and kisses Sammy goodnight too, then he turns off the light and goes back to his own room.

Dean waits a little while before he slips out of bed and goes to Sammy's crib. It isn't easy to climb in without help, but he pulls himself up and jams his feet between the bars, just like he figured out how to do a few days ago. Mrs. Guenther's crib is a lot easier to climb into than the one that got burned up in the fire.

He's careful not to wake Sammy as he lies down beside him and fixes the blankets to cover them both. Sammy is small and warm and he smells like baby powder, and Dean whispers, "It's okay, Sammy." He tries to say it like Daddy says it, even though he knows that Sammy is still asleep and he's just a baby who doesn't know any words anyway. "It's okay."

Everybody keeps telling Dean that Mommy is in heaven with the angels. Mommy always said angels are kind and beautiful and good, and Dean thinks they must be really nice if Mommy wants to be with them instead of him and Sammy and Daddy.

Snuggling closer to Sammy, Dean closes his eyes and wonders if Mommy really misses them. She hasn't been gone for very long at all, but sometimes he thinks he's already forgetting her. He tries to think of her pretty hair and the way it tickled his face when she kissed him goodnight, but all he can see is yellow crayon on blue paper.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The Yellow Crayon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/755619) by [miss_marina95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_marina95/pseuds/miss_marina95)




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